Anyone in Cornwall who's serious about surfing will tell you, we have the best spots in the UK by miles. From Sennen to Bude on the North coast and from Praa Sands to Whitsand Bay on the south coast (although not as frequently as on the north coast), Cornwall is blessed with beach and reef breaks, vast expanses of golden sand, tourist spots and secret coves.
Take Fistral Beach in Newquay for example. Renowned for its consistent surf conditions, the popular beach is considered to be one of the best surf spots in Europe, attracting hundreds of thousands of visitors every year. It's here that the surfing side of the Boardmasters festival takes place every year and where many England competitions are organised. There's a reason for it. It is the country's surfing capital.
Considering the free facilities we're blessed with here in Cornwall, it's no wonder that according to Surfing England's figures, one in 10 people in our county is a surfer. Between the summer casual long-boarders and the winter warriors who will be out in horizontal rain, sleet and hail on those short February days when getting changed in a freezing car park is more pain than fun, that's about 50,000 people who partake in the sport in Cornwall.
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Surfing is good for you. It's good for your physical and mental health, so much so that surf therapy has been used by the Wave Project to help kids deal with mental health issues. It's been used by veterans and Devon and Cornwall Police to help with PTSD, trauma and anxiety.
It's a sport on the rise for all the blue health reasons above. It's even at the Olympics. Being out in the ocean is simply good for you.
The problem, of course, is that surfing is by and large dependent on nature doing its thing. Ferocious storms in the winter months or sunny flat spells in the summer when the ocean is as flat as a lake are not always ideal conditions to indulge in one's passion or lifestyle.
Neither can we all afford to jet off to Barbados, Indo, Costa Rica or Hawaii to seek those better climes. But even in these places, the thing called 'the weather' and overcrowding does not guarantee you'll have the surf of your life.
Besides, isn't the search for the perfect wave but a fool's errand? The elusive unicorn jumping over some far-distant rainbow? One could argue, that the perfect wave does not exist. It's a state of mind rather than something tangible.
For an elite number of surfers, the 100ft monsters at Nazaré in Portugal are the perfect wave. It sounds absolutely terrifying to me. Teahupo'o in Tahiti where the Olympics surfing competition is taking place looks absolutely stunning. Realistically though, I'll never go there in my life.
For me, having never surfed other than in Cornwall, my perfect wave is a glassy sea with perfectly formed 4ft to 6ft waves and just a touch of offshore wind, on a glorious hot sunny morning in the summer, light shining through the water, and with hardly anyone else there.
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Sounds impossible? Almost. It's happened a handful of times at Fistral in the seven years since my wife bought me my first surf lesson for my birthday (she didn't realise at the time she'd be making herself into a surf widow - or perhaps she did and that was the plan all along!).
The vast majority of the time, surfing in Cornwall is a bit grim. Windy. Foggy. Rainy. Overcrowded. Cold. I'm not really selling this to you, am I? But I love it. Yet, what if there was somewhere, not on the other side of the world mind you, where you could enjoy the (almost) perfect wave?
A surf buddy mentioned giving The Wave in Bristol a go. Fellow hardy locals have also mentioned it and all have said it's really good. It's a bit costly and three hours away. Why bother when we live a few miles from the beach? Oh yes, that's right. Flat spells. Too many people. Inconsistent overall conditions! I almost forgot.
Thanks to another birthday present from the missus, we finally decided to travel up the A30 and M5 to Junction 17 at Cribbs Causeway and have a go. Considering we'd be spending six hours in the car there and back we opted to make it count and booked two sessions at 1pm and 3pm with a one-hour break in between.
One hour on the left and another hour on the right, both on the advanced setting (it ranges from beginner, intermediate, advanced to expert and barrel). Choosing left and right at the surf pool means training the front side and back side. Back side always being a bit trickier when practising turns.
The way it works is that during your allocated hour (£66 per person - we paid for our own sessions by the way, this is not a freebie!) you and about 15 others will have 10 sets during which you will be able to paddle and pop up into the exact same waves, always the same, and always yours and yours alone.
No dropping in on anyone here. No snaking. No party waves. That set of 17 or 18 waves (there are always a couple of spares per set) means you're guaranteed one wave at least - a bonus one maybe if you start the set and paddle back to the 'line up' fast enough. That wave is yours.
If you fluff it. Tough. You go to the back of the queue and wait for the next set to come. Oh, and of course when you surf at The Wave, there is no risk of surfing among human turds and farm runoffs like you might do in the ocean. It's sewage-free surf and for that alone it's worth the journey!
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I have to admit being quite anxious about The Wave. I was worried I'd fluff the lot and waste my time and money and look a total kook. I kept watching videos on YouTube trying to figure out how it works, and see if I'd have time to paddle for each wave, things like that.
My mate kept telling me it'd be fine. Everyone is so friendly and supportive and no-one cares if you fluff it, he kept telling me. "Everyone wants you to do well," he repeated to me on the drive up. "But try not to fall off and embarrass yourself."
Here's the blurb on The Wave's own website about what it is about: "The Wave at Bristol is a 180-metre long surfing lake, powered by Wavegarden technology, that provides an unrivalled inland surf experience suitable for everyone, from beginner to seasoned professional. We’ve designed every aspect to ensure it is fun for all, whatever your ability.
"At The Wave no-one is judged – except on competition days! Our Wavegarden Cove technology is groundbreaking and can generate up to 1,000 quality waves per hour, ranging from 50cm (1.7ft) to almost 2m (6.5ft) in height. Importantly, the whole surfing experience has been designed to ensure each surfer has the space, time and serenity to enjoy their surf at The Wave without ever needing to contend with the crowds."
First off, a negative point. I know the good folks at The Wave have waved their PR magic wand and tried to turn it into a positive, but putting your car park two-thirds of a mile (1km) away is bad design. Of course, you can hire all you need at the Wave from wetsuits to boards but if you bring your own gear, you will feel that walk in your muscles. Especially if you mash up your toe and the walk back turns into a slow painful zombie crawl! But more on that in a minute.
Luckily it was sunny and hot the day we turned up but on a wintry rainy day, it might not have been so fun. Apart from placing the car park what feels like miles away, The Wave is truly an amazing facility. And yes, all those who said no-one will judge you, and everyone is friendly and supportive, were absolutely spot on.
From the moment you walk through the main doors, you feel welcomed. There is a cool surf shop, a café and licensed restaurant and a viewing platform upstairs. And of course the main event, the lake that opens up right in front of you as you walk through the wide glass doors.
There are changing facilities and lockers all around but most people leave their stuff on the grassy beach at the front of the pool. That's where you'll have your group chat with the staff about what to expect and be given your colour-coded rash vest. Then onto what we drove three hours for.
We waded into the pool on the left-hand side of the walkway, which is also where the machine that creates the waves is, then paddled to the furthest point or line up at the other end, down a channel that acts like a rip current and helps propel you back to the starting point. I made sure not to be the first in the queue as I really wanted to see how people did it first.
To create the wave you will ride, the machine sucks up the water or so it seems and it can be disconcerting at first when you are being sucked backwards before it releases a mass of water, which will turn into a rideable wave thanks to the shape of the lagoon. It's a pool with concrete walls and different depths remember.
There are colour-coded markers on the wall where you should place yourself - not too close to the wall either for you will bob up and down while waiting your turn and don't want to bump into fellow surfers or into the wall. Blue markers for us on the advanced setting and two strokes later, as the wave lifted me up, there came my fist take off and pop-up at The Wave.
For some reason I stalled right in the middle of the lagoon. Lost all power. Never mind. Paddled back to the start and waited for my turn again. When we all had one wave each, the machine stopped and we all paddled back. It is a lot easier not to have to duck dive under waves but it is non-stop at The Wave. You will get your money's worth. You need to be fit that's for sure or you'll feel the burn in your shoulders.
I totally fluffed my second wave. Still a bit unsure about the take-off, I misjudged it and ended up wiping out in a ridiculous fashion. I think everyone in the group did that at least once so I didn't feel so bad. However, either my own board or someone else's board hit my foot or - and I suspect that's what happened as I was close to the wall - I whacked the concrete wall.
Pain shot through my foot and lanced up my leg like an electric shock passing through. I quickly massaged the toe and ignored it and paddled back. Out of 11 sets (I managed to sneak a bonus one in on a set) I surfed seven back side waves which I was disappointed with myself for. Still, not bad for a first time at a surf pool.
We waded back to shore and walked back - or in my case hobbled back - to our bags for a rest and some food. It is knackering so you'll need to replenish your energy levels. More than feeling low on sugar, the state of my toe was a bit more concerning. It had swollen to twice its size, looked wonky and limp like a cocktail mini sausage, or as my friend so elegantly put it: "It looks like you have a little penis on your foot." Thanks for your comforting words Stevo.
He kept telling me that if it was broken the pain would be excruciating. So obviously I had to wobble the little piggy a bit to check on the pain levels. It did make some weird little click-click noises though. Standing up and putting any weight on the foot was painful but with one more session in the lake to go I thought that between the cold of the water to numb the pain and adrenaline it'd sort of be manageable.
The front side hour on the right-hand side of the pool was a complete success despite surfing with a broken toe. Ten sets, ten successful waves up and down the face and no stalling halfway down the pool. Steve and I discussed that during the interlude and I took the advice on board. I did feel the shoulder burn halfway through the second hour in the pool though. My heart was pounding and my toe was throbbing. But it was a complete surfing success. I loved it.
By the time we waded back to the shoreline to get changed and get out, my toe had turned purple. The walk back to the car was a struggle and so was the drive back to Cornwall but what an experience. I wouldn't go to The Wave every other weekend because it takes so long to get there and is costly when I can be on Perranporth beach in 20 minutes and only have to pay a few pounds in parking.
But once a year as a treat, absolutely. The consistency of waves the facility offers is perfect to improve on your skills, your turns and cutbacks and on the higher settings, your airs and tricks.
Now..... let's talk about A&E at Treliske. Suffice to say, I didn't want to end up waiting for three and half hours at the Royal Cornwall Hospital into the early hours of the morning. I thought I'd be a good boy so I actually visited the nearest minor injury unit at Barncoose hospital in Redruth in the first place.
A broken toe is not an emergency. But their x-ray department was closed and the hospital was about to shut for the day and as my foot was all swollen and turning a nice purple hue I thought it best to have it checked over.
I did apologise to the staff at Treliske's A&E department for being there in the first place. I know how incredibly busy, dedicated and hard-working they are and I absolutely did not want to waste their time.
I did need to know however if purple little piggy was broken or fractured. The x-ray thankfully showed that the toe is fractured so it was strapped up to the next toe and off home I went.
The man who turned up in handcuffs escorted by four police officers and shouted "hello my brothers" before being walked back out as the officers rolled their eyes, the chap who walked in dressed as Jack Sparrow or the drunk who had a tiff with his girlfriend, certainly provided the entertainment. But in all honesty I would have preferred to be elsewhere in the first place.
The irony of it all is that I had told my son we wouldn't go rock climbing the evening before as I didn't want to risk hurting myself ahead of going to The Wave. Now there'll be no climbing and no surfing for a whole month. The Wave was a great surfing day out. And now I can't surf!
